please

I cannot cry
I will them to come
But no tears surface
I need to escape
To vent
To weep
But I am unable

Please, Nate, make me cry.

ftfikvkgykuftyidfs

It’s a nice feeling
When everything falls
Right into place

And damn does it feel good
When the rain finally comes
To clean off all that dirt

You know what I mean
When I say I love to stumble
Only to have you catch me before I fall

AHHHHH!

Blind to everything
You think isn’t there
When will you see
That the world is not so dark
That I am here
And you are not alone

Empty of all hope
You think does not exist
When will you see
That the world is not so dark
That the future is not stone
And you have a choice

Void of promises
You think don’t matter
When will you see
That the world is not so dark
That I am holding a candle
And all you have to do is ask

Blah!(a.k.a. i cried while writing this, so f-u Michelle)

Take a deep breath
Let it out real slow
Clear your mind
Of that junk from the day
Look at the stars
And fall into the sky
Let things revert
To when you were ten
Remember that pond?
And those damn frogs
All those fights we got in
About catching the right one
But on the ride home
The tension lifted
And all of the anger
Disappeared into the water
To be disturbed by us
Only on the next visit
Remember the way it was?
With the non-smoking adds
And the hatred of drugs
My fear of ending up like my dad
And your support of that
Remember when fun
Meant climbing a tree
Or swinging on that vine
In your back yard
And that cowboy your dad made
And trying to crash
Your brother’s bonfires
And five am Barbie’s
That always ended happily
Remember all that?
Good, take a hold
Grab on tight
And never, ever let go
Because that is me
And that is us
And without it, we disappear
Just like our old anger
And we will only ever
Come back to the surface
When someone stumbles upon a memory
And stirs up the mud

MERRY X-MAS EVERY ONE! and i dont care if you dont celebrate it, i am not pollitically correct, deal with it.

Cruel Dawn

It is hard to see
Through these tears of mine
But I like the way
They turn everything foggy

The sky blends to the grass
And the sun becomes the moon
With stars to light the affair
And all the while I dance in the rain

Wait for the morning to come
With lighter times and happier moments
Wait for the moon to set
And the stars will be gone

So I run while I can
Through the streets and woods
Pass the house I once called home
And the tree which was a fortress

And along my travels I meet a prince
Strong and mighty is he
Makes me laugh and smile
And together we are forever

We run together in the night
With only the moon to light the way
We hold hands in secret conference
And whisper our thoughts silently

And when it rains we do not hide
But bask in its glory
Let the rain wash off the dirt
And show us who we really are

But when morning does come
And the dust of the moonlight settles
Showing the mud and gutters
And taking away the illusion of happiness

My tears are once more
And my prince has gone home
The light has set right the con
With the coming of this cruel dawn

You Are Not Dreaming

Tell me what would happen
If your heart was repaired
And your soul mended
Tell me what you would do
If your world was turned upside down
And this black went to white once and for all
Tell me what you would say
To the one who made you smile
When all else made you cry
Tell me how you would react
Would you leap in cries of joy
And rejoice in the sudden change
Tell me what you would do
If you were no longer unhappy
And if the world held appeal to you
Tell me what would happen
If you cried rivers of tears
And they were not those of sadness

Just don’t tell me you’d say it was a dream

Any one have an idea for a title?(suggestions welcome)

My voice a tremble
Yours pure and strong
My lips shake and quiver
Yours part in love and song

My heart racing out of me
Yours making it all right
My hand a blur of movement
Yours steady and full of might

My body aching in pain
Yours warm to the touch
My head spins in thought
Yours knows way too much

My feelings unsure and shy
Yours confident and ready
My eyes dart to evade
Yours try to hold mine steady

My breath short and shallow
Yours smooth and deep
My tears flowing freely
Yours secretly weep

I am week
You are strong
I am falling
You reach to catch

I slip through your hold
You cry out in sadness
I am lost forever
You are forever alone

Veil of Rose Colored Dust

Whispers beckon and laughter sings.
I am lost in this world of dreams.
But do I really wish to leave?
And let alone those who weep,
To shed tears of their own
While I try to cover mine.
A decision is forced upon me,
One I do not wish to take.
Leave forever this paradise,
And live in the world of the living,
With real ness all around.
Or help those who need help most,
Only to doom myself instead.
Self sacrifice or sacrifice those I love,
Fix my wounded heart and leave them to bleed,
Or tend their hurts and pains
While my broken self shatters beyond repair.
There is no gray, from what I can see.
Only this stark white and endless black.
Skip the stone and see where it lands,
But who will tend my broken heart?
In this world of dreams that seems so real,
Reality takes over and shows us a world of fire.
I wish I could have it all, the ice and warmth,
The pain and joy. But instead I have only one side,
Making me a biased lover indeed.
My apologies I so generously give
To all who must suffer my presence.
I am sorry for making this world a dark one you must live.
So sorry for hurting you, and sorry for leaving.
So sorry I am for every thing I have I done.
Nothing is right in this world of shadows.
That laughter is cruel, and the whispers angry.
A veil of dust settles coldly on the night.
The moon giving birth to truth and wisdom.
But I am stuck forever in the dawn.
The light of the moon and of the stars,
No longer showing themselves to I.
A veil of dust indeed, colored rose by these lies.
I wish I could live here forever with you,
But childhood, it would seem,
Can only last for so long.
And am I am afraid that my time has come.

Passive Agressive Queen

Boys will be boys
But girls are less passive
With the outright taunts
And nothing but stars
“Say the word girl”
They chide in unison
As I struggle through the syllables
Laughter rings in my ears
Though it is not the cheerful kind
So I shut up
Shut down
And lie dawn and play dead
Ignore the looks
And try to make it through the halls
With out throwing a punch
So infantile they are
Yet I find myself drawn
To belong in a world
I was not meant to be
My only wish
Is for you all to see
These are real cuts here
And this is real blood
Shed for your mocking eyes
And for my endless tears
No more sugar on the story
I wish to spit it out bitter
And force you to swallow
The hard to face truth;
You did this
It’s your fault
And there’s no apologies now

Through Rose Colored Glasses

Ignorance is bliss
What with this world we live in
Through the eyes of a child
I see nothing but red
Turning storms into a chance to dance in the rain
And death into ghosts to play with in the night
Nothing but play time
With no care for mothers who nag
Rooms always messy
With not a patch of carpet in sight
But that doesn’t matter
The grass will suffice
And those swings are not just that
They are airplanes
That zoom around your head
As you dream of tomorrow
With thoughts of pools
And Indian warriors
Fresh in your mind
You make plans with the girl down the street
And sleep is hard to come by
The excitement and magic
Still alive in your heart
Through the eyes of a child
My vision is rosy
And nothing matters more
Than who gets the blonde Barbie

Rain

Feel the rain on our skin
Let it soak in
And clean out your system
Pure and full of life
It seeps in where so one has gone in years
Finds your secrets
And tears them out
Makes you smile
In the darkest of times
With an iron fist
And jaws of steel
Take-no-prisoners attitude
Makes everyone surrender
Its will is strong
And it will not give up
Until it has made very last being
Open their eyes
To the truth that it holds
Feel the rain on your skin
Let it soak in
And make every thing right again
Pure and full of life
It gets into places you have long forgotten
Finds your secrets
And forces you to voice them
Makes you cry
In the happiest of moments
With an iron fist
And jaws of steel
Take-no-prisoners attitude
Makes you want to scream
Its will is strong
And it will not give up
Until it has made every last part of you
Open your eyes
To see the new world before you
Yours for the taking

Monopoly

Empty spaces
Fill a whole
Whose rules
Do I abide?
And where
Is the ink in which
They are proclaimed
What game is this?
And who is playing?
What place am I at?
The beginning,
Or is it the end?
Where is the bridge?
And what the hell is going on?
Why does it hurt so much?
And why isn’t there a soul in sight?
Am I losing,
Or in the lead?
A race for the finish line,
Or is it based on points?
Are there teams?
Or am I alone?
And why can’t I help,
Those left behind?

You Don't Know Me

It's a funny thing, the way that we think. Going about our days, never looking back. Until we lay down to sleep, and all of the things that we said, all the things that we did, come flooding back in a river so powerful, so strong that we can do nothing but accept its message. We review our day critically, picking apart the very essence of who we are with things like "I should have done this" or "Why did I say that?" when deep down, when it comes to core of things, all that really matters is what we decide to think about ourselves because of it. Because of our actions, what do we think of ourselves, better or worse. Does what we said or did really matter in the long run, or was it just practice, for the things that do. All that I can say is this; I haven't said or done enough, I haven't done what I should have done, the things that I have said are far less than perfect, and what I feel because of this is not happiness, but rather regret. And that, regretting the things that have passed, is one feeling that no person should have to live with. Regretting the very person that you have become, the character that you have created inside of yourselves. No one, and I repeat NO ONE should live with that. I say this now as an awakening. I am awake. The practice is over, the trial run complete, and the finals are here. What I say, do, and think from this moment on is real. More real than anything that I have ever said, done, or felt before. And I plan on sharing it with everyone. Especially the person that gave it to me. TO that person I dedicate this to, weather they realize it or not, they have saved me and I owe them a great deal. Thank you so much, and I hope that, for now, this is enough to repay your good deeds and the care that you given to me. Thank you, truly. I feel alive, I feel solid, I feel like me. For the first time in my short life, that seems much longer than it really is, I feel like I belong. I feel like the person that I am is good enough and those who think otherwise will just have to suck it, because this is who I am, and you don't know me.

Don't Ask, Just Jump

Never dream dreams,
That are not what you wish.
Never look through the glass,
Without a plan to break it.
Never lock the door,
Just to find the key is on the other side.
Never watch the world spin,
And not jump on for a ride.
Never ask questions,
You don’t want the answers to.
Never live in denial,
Because you fear the truth.
Never fall down,
And not get up again.
Never lie to the ones you love,
Only to regret it later.
Never sit in the stands and watch,
When the game is one that you love.
Never live a life of hopes,
Only to walk away and wish some more.
Never lose yourself to the game,
And not attempt to get it back.
Never wear masks,
Just to hide what you don’t want others to see.
Never hold your love inside,
When the one you love is need of it.
Never wait for life to happen,
It will just pass you up, and not wave goodbye.

In the words of Tim Gunn, "Make it happen". Thanks Nate.

Blah #2

Girrr. this also is not a poem. it is such a worthless piece of writing that i am not even writing it in word. there fore, BAD SPELLING! deal with it. any who, i feel... empty. like there are so many things that i am missing by sitting in side and doing nothing, moping about thinking how bad my life is, how borring it is, when i should be out doing things. But hey, i have no car, no way to drive, and no ride. girr to this. the world is so big, and my life so small. depressing in a way.
i do not know why i am doing what i am doing, nor what that is in the first place becasue i am not doing a whole lot. i want excitement, adventure. and i am afraid that none of that will come from the people at KenSTONER high school. such a pitty. but what can i do? i can pitty myself, who had to stick it out one more year before i am out of there, or i can pitty those who still have years in front of them. only thing is, they dont hate the place as much as i do. how did this become a rant on school? ah well, like i said, i feel empty, hollow, nothingness. and i want to feel. anything, something. please. let me feel.

that is all
i think
not really,
but oh well

Maybe i shall have a new poem up in a while. BUT, maybe not. who knows.

Blah

Yeah, yeah, this is not a poem, stop your whining. I just had to say this to the people who read this, well really only one person but names shall not be said, so here it goes. There is no games, no rules to this thing called life. Live it how you wish, and if you push away from the things that make you happy, don't blame others. Don't punish others for your mistakes, and look to the people who care for you for help. If you feel so compelled to doom yourself to a life of pain, do not put that pain onto others just because you cant take it, and when your walls fall down, you will be hurt even more. I say "when" and not "if" because those walls you built are not stable. They were constructed under pressure and hurt and they will tumble down one day. When I can not say. All I can say is that it will hurt more than anything you ever felt and I suggest that you start letting them down slowly to prevent this. Don’t go looking for things that are lost. Don’t wish for things to happen, make them so. And believe me when I say that some people do what they say, no matter what. This world maybe dark, but it is not as dark as you think, and the light that is here is found unexpected places.

Save Me

Please save me
This time I can not run
I need a helping hand
To pick me up off the ground
Dust off the dirt
I can not do it alone
So please save me
And shield me from the eyes
That pierce and burn
They are so harsh
I need your touch
To fend off the pain
So please save me
And help me do this one last time
My legs are weary
And I need a crutch
The track too narrow
That roots too many
And I can not do this on my own
Please save me

Above is my puppy, Millie, snuggling with Hamlet. Below is Hamlet's gay lover, Oscar.