Save Me

Please save me
This time I can not run
I need a helping hand
To pick me up off the ground
Dust off the dirt
I can not do it alone
So please save me
And shield me from the eyes
That pierce and burn
They are so harsh
I need your touch
To fend off the pain
So please save me
And help me do this one last time
My legs are weary
And I need a crutch
The track too narrow
That roots too many
And I can not do this on my own
Please save me

Above is my puppy, Millie, snuggling with Hamlet. Below is Hamlet's gay lover, Oscar.

HAMLET!!! Aint he cute?

Who am I?

A heartless lover
A cowardly fighter
A person in need
A giver of needs
Someone who hurts
Someone in pain
Someone needing love
Someone needing peace
A person who haves
A person who doesn’t
Someone who hates
Someone who is hated
Someone in need of something unknown
Someone looking for new things
A lost heart
A heart that lost everything
A heart that died long ago
A lost cause
A cause not worth the fight
A hippy
A martyr
A protestor
A dreamer
A student
A poet
A writer
A sister
A daughter
A friend
A smoker
A drinker
A thinker
A cutter
Me.

For Me

Darkness
And cold
Wind
And ice
Frozen in time
With no frame of reference
Stranded
And alone
Crying
And sad
Feeling helpless
With no one near to help

Will you come to me
Dry these tears
And hold me tight
A selfish wish
I know, but please
For me, just come

Blue
And green
You
And me
Stuck in a gaze
With no sense of time
Hands
And eyes
Words
And music
Feeling right again
With a hope that it’s not a dream

Will you stay with me
Keep the tears away
And never let go
A selfish wish
I know, but please
For me, don’t leave

Tell Me What You Want

If I could have one wish
I would wish you happiness
To be able to cry
And laugh
To know real love when it shows
I would wish upon you
Every thing you want
To have a life of your own
To smile at the sun
To be able to see the stars again
And take in the warmth of the moon

But wishes are not real
And all I have to give is me
I can not make you cry
Or open your eyes
Laughter is beyond my power
And the stars only fade when I am near
I take the smile out of your heart
And every thing you want is lost
The moon is cold to your skin
And I am just hurting you more
Love is blind to you no matter what I do

So should I stay?
And try harder
Push myself upon you even more
Only to be pushed away again
To love you stronger
To show you dimmed stars
To hug you in the moon light
And try to squeeze out tears
To tell jokes with an empty heart
And stand by while you shut me out
Or should I just leave?

No Answers

Not one but two
Not even two but three
Maybe more
It’s hard to tell
With all the buzzing
Can’t keep it straight
Who these thoughts are for
Her?
Or Him?
Or maybe even Her?
It’s hard to see
Through all the fog
It cloaks the truth
So well hidden from my eyes
I wish I could see
I wish I could hear
I wish I knew
What’s wrong with me
But through it all
The only answer I get
Is no.

Lost

Every one says they’re on my side
Every one says don’t try to hide
Can stop what’s been put into motion
As much as I can a wave in the ocean
Beautiful bliss just calling my name
When will I learn it’s all the same
There is no heaven, there is no hell
If there was I’d pick myself up after I fell
So long ago my world was shattered
A million pieces so broken and battered
Beyond repair there is no hope
No time to weep, no time cope
I am a lost ship at sea
With no sails, just let me be

But I Get Up Again

We all fall down
It’s only human
Pick yourself up
Dust off the dirt
Keep on walking
Every fall adds
Yet another layer
The thicker the skin
The stronger you are
But the longer you lay
On the cold ground
The harder it will be
To get up again

Is a Platonic Possible?

Lately I have been wondering if it is possible for me to keep any relationship outside of my family platonic. It would seem that the answer is no and that bothers me. I want a friend, someone that I can talk to freely yet have no other connection with. I feel that it may even be more than want; I need this person so badly. The root of my depression is in the fact that I am so different from every one that I meet that I am unable to connect with acquaintances. Michelle, Miranda, Chris, and now Nate have all become more than platonic on my side of things, yet they are still strictly friends with me. It hurts not to have any one that I can tell this too, but that list is all of my friends and I don’t think that I can bring my self to admit this problem to any of them. I need a shopping buddy, a getting drunk buddy, a plain old hanging out buddy, but all of the people that I can stand in this world are listed above. I want; no I need black and white. I am so sick of this grey that seems intent of taking over my life. I need lines, rules, and I need to follow them. but every time that I try it seems that I am unable to keep control of myself. Nate was supposed to be this person, but look how that ended up. I feel weird even putting this up. Three out my four friends is going to reed it and I am nervous of what they will think. Oh well, here it goes. I am sure that I will feel better once it is out there, I always do any way. Deep breath. One two three.

Monkey in the Zoo

I am a monkey.
A plain and simple monkey
With no particular plan
And no particular agenda
Just a monkey

When I speak
You see a talking money
And star in awe at the wonder
A talking monkey! You exclaim
What a treat indeed

When I do tricks
You are just as amazed
I dance and twirl for your entertainment
But when the show is over
What happens then?

It is hard for you
To understand that a being other than yourself
Is capable of things such as reading, and speaking
But I assure you
This is wrong, I am a monkey after all

And when I say something smart like
Your eyes flick
And your ears perk
Did that monkey say the right answer? You ask
Yes, yes it did.

What Do You Want?

To disappear

Not that

To become invisible

Not that either

Maybe to be invincible

No, then I am not human

What about being smart

No, intelligence doesn’t really meant that much to me

How about…umm…To be you

That sounds nice

And having friends

That too

What about being able to cope

Ooh, I like that one a lot

Maybe to have all of your ducks

Ooh!

And put them in place

Can they stay there?

Of course.

Deal

Deal.

You Will Be Loved

You will go far
Away from here
And every thing you hate
You will go far

Someday
You will go far
In this world
Someday

You will achieve
Great things
And all will adore you
You will achieve

Someday
You will achieve
All that which you set out to do
Someday

You will be loved
By someone unknown
And it will touch you deep
You will be loved

Someday
You will be loved
Like you have never been before
Someday