2/21/2008
Question:
What's the first name that comes to mind when you hear "You are the only thing that makes sense"?
2/20/2008
Characteristics of an Ink Dragon
Restless nights shadow stress filled days
These words are forced, can’t you tell?
A pen with no hand to stain black
For that hand is shaking too much to control
The flowing script I’ve grown to hate
Meaningless dribble, that’s what this is
A story with no depth
Simply pretty painted images
For shallow hearts and empty heads
So why do I write with such colorful purposes
If all who reads can’t make out the big words
Overly pretentious couplings
Of things I once believed
Why do I write my heart on these pages
If all who reads have the sole intentions of damage
And is it wrong for me to find humor here?
In the irony of my own actions?
For I do, and I can’t help it
I bet if you thought hard enough you would see it too
Tucked bellow for special eyes only
Beneath the gaily drawn dragons
There lies a hungry beast
Is it not funny to see people drawn to this?
Is it not right for me to laugh
At blissful ignorance held taut on the surface?
Stretched tight to hide
even though the result is far from concealing
So I laugh at this, and at myself
For having attempted to change
The nature of these things
For having attempted to mold
A brick into something beautiful
For these are my words
And these are my thoughts
And there is no dragon for me to unveil
And there is no ink from which I would sculpt
These words are forced, can’t you tell?
A pen with no hand to stain black
For that hand is shaking too much to control
The flowing script I’ve grown to hate
Meaningless dribble, that’s what this is
A story with no depth
Simply pretty painted images
For shallow hearts and empty heads
So why do I write with such colorful purposes
If all who reads can’t make out the big words
Overly pretentious couplings
Of things I once believed
Why do I write my heart on these pages
If all who reads have the sole intentions of damage
And is it wrong for me to find humor here?
In the irony of my own actions?
For I do, and I can’t help it
I bet if you thought hard enough you would see it too
Tucked bellow for special eyes only
Beneath the gaily drawn dragons
There lies a hungry beast
Is it not funny to see people drawn to this?
Is it not right for me to laugh
At blissful ignorance held taut on the surface?
Stretched tight to hide
even though the result is far from concealing
So I laugh at this, and at myself
For having attempted to change
The nature of these things
For having attempted to mold
A brick into something beautiful
For these are my words
And these are my thoughts
And there is no dragon for me to unveil
And there is no ink from which I would sculpt
2/16/2008
Question:
Is it possible to cheat on someone without physical contact with the other party? Because that is exactly what it feels like I am doing, emotionally cheating.
2/14/2008
Stupid, Stupid, Stupid. *bangs head against wall*
I'm afraid. I am afraid like I haven't been afraid in years. I am afraid and I am letting that fear dictate my actions.
2/11/2008
17 going on 30?
Everyone is telling me to follow my heart, to go with what feels best. But what if my heart is torn? On one side I have my need to no longer be lonely. My need to be with someone, even if that someone is only second best. And on the other side I have the part of me that is so far past liking someone that it’s bordering on cliché. Only problem with that is I can’t have this person. So does that side of me really matter? Or is it void by circumstances?
I feel like I am 30 years old running out of time to make a family, not 17 looking for someone to spend time with. I don’t want a silly high school relationship. I want something that will last. That is the main reason that I have held out for so long on dating anyone. I saw people date for 3 weeks, and walk away like nothing happened. How did they even enjoy one another’s company if it was so superficial? I want someone who can care for me and who I can care about. I want someone to support me when I need it, and who will take my support when they feel the need. Is this abnormal for one as young as I am? Most people I know are jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend, never staying long enough to figure the other person out. Is that what I am supposed to be doing? If it is I think I may have a problem because I don’t think that I could do such a thing.
I feel like I am 30 years old running out of time to make a family, not 17 looking for someone to spend time with. I don’t want a silly high school relationship. I want something that will last. That is the main reason that I have held out for so long on dating anyone. I saw people date for 3 weeks, and walk away like nothing happened. How did they even enjoy one another’s company if it was so superficial? I want someone who can care for me and who I can care about. I want someone to support me when I need it, and who will take my support when they feel the need. Is this abnormal for one as young as I am? Most people I know are jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend, never staying long enough to figure the other person out. Is that what I am supposed to be doing? If it is I think I may have a problem because I don’t think that I could do such a thing.
2/08/2008
What Used To Be
This is the song I sang for you when all others lost their voice
This is the letter I wrote for you when we were apart all those months
This is the look on your face when you look upon innocence
This is the way it went when it went away
And here is the place we met over shattered dreams of coffee shops
Right next to the place I fell before you caught me so I wouldn’t shatter again
Those are the memories we never got a chance to create
Those are the words that got lost on my tongue before I got a chance to spit
Those are the things you meant to say right after it happened
Those are the times I meant to say it right before I wasn’t sure
And there is the blanket of stars we never laid under
Right above the crisp cool grass still awaiting our bodies
There goes the promise of more chances
There goes the hope I held on so dearly
There goes the countless sunrises we watched together
There goes the thought of something else
And this is me
Right next to you
This is the letter I wrote for you when we were apart all those months
This is the look on your face when you look upon innocence
This is the way it went when it went away
And here is the place we met over shattered dreams of coffee shops
Right next to the place I fell before you caught me so I wouldn’t shatter again
Those are the memories we never got a chance to create
Those are the words that got lost on my tongue before I got a chance to spit
Those are the things you meant to say right after it happened
Those are the times I meant to say it right before I wasn’t sure
And there is the blanket of stars we never laid under
Right above the crisp cool grass still awaiting our bodies
There goes the promise of more chances
There goes the hope I held on so dearly
There goes the countless sunrises we watched together
There goes the thought of something else
And this is me
Right next to you
2/03/2008
2/02/2008
Scape Goat
I’m blaming you
You and your gentle touch
Whispered words
In the dead of the night
This is all because of you
And your relentless caring
Softly putting me together
After a fall from so high
It’s all your fault
That I now fear happiness
Because of you
I cannot dream
For fear of dreaming of you
You and your gentle touch
Whispered words
In the dead of the night
This is all because of you
And your relentless caring
Softly putting me together
After a fall from so high
It’s all your fault
That I now fear happiness
Because of you
I cannot dream
For fear of dreaming of you
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