My Hell

I know that smile of yours
The one you rarely show
The one I coaxed from your lips
Only a few times
And I know what makes it hide
The demons you despise
Cursed objects of your admiration
For what can make one such as yourself
Cower in pure fright?
But I also know of a lighter topic
Of a river of tears
So damn strong even the mote of my thumb
Cannot hold them back
Because for what you weep
Is a separate demon all on its own
One of beauty and loss
Of love and fear of loathing
A demon you play with often
A demon you chose over me

Who the fuck is Julie?

So I Thought

Learn and live
But never forget
Advice flows in
A constant stream
Pick and choose
Which is right for you
But in the end
No one else can really help
You try to find
Sense in this world
Try to feel
Through everything past
Try so hard
To just move on
But the results are forever
Living on in you
So here you stand
Your breaking point near
Wishing for someone to pull a trigger
Hoping that this is all there is
Poor girl
Did no one ever tell you
This battle never ends
Poor girl
Did no one ever say
That life is
Hard enough
With you fucking up

This Beast in Me

So I am sitting here, an ache somewhere inside of me, and I cant figure it out. It’s gnawing at me, like some wild thing that you let loose, tearing me apart inside with claws sharp as razors and teeth blunt as a fork. Its saliva, I swear, is lemon juice, and I just need it to go to sleep for a little while. But it wont stop biting, tearing, chewing me up. It wont stop and I am afraid that I will have to stop it soon, shut it up and make the howling stop. Oh yeah, it howls too. An incessant noise of passion, driving my mind insane with the things that it says. Yes, it says things. Awful things of love and hate, passion and life long living. I hate this beast more than I hate you, more than I despise you for putting it there. The only thing is, I don’t hate you at all. In fact, I am afraid that I love you. I say afraid because if I love you, then I love this beast as well. And that scars me. Scars me enough to want to kill it, leave its mangled body for all to see, a spectacle for tourists of my mind to point in awe. “That’s the beast that drove her mad” they’ll say. “That’s the thing she loved.” And as they point in wonder, I will lay there, unable to get up after I fell for you.

Me

I believe
In nights that never end
Sunrises, and sunsets
And unconditional love
Cuddling with out attachments
And soft kisses in the middle of the night
I believe
That love is overrated
But the feeling that there are a million butterflies
In your stomach is greatly unappreciated
Distance is nothing
When words travel so far
And those same words
Can change the world
I believe
In books and music
The idea that nothing is impossible
In logic less hope
And reasonless wishing
And I believe, most of all
In everything you have said to me

I Love You

I can’t bring myself to say it
At this moment in time
What, exactly, is the point
So how, in anyone’s wildest comprehension
Can I convince you
That it’s true, beyond any doubt?

They'll Say

She never looked into the mirror
Too afraid of what she would see
Never thought of what she could assume
Just by looking at my eyes

She never knew who she was
Never cared to look too deep
She didn’t see that what I was
Was only what she made in her own image

I always told her what they would say
So she didn’t get surprised
She always asked me what to do
So she didn’t get carried away
But when this moon sets
It’s all over for the two of us
She stepped too far
And missed the point of it all
‘Cause what they’ll say
Is only the truth

Yeah they’ll say
That she was beautiful
And she was a dreamer
And she never really let it go

She never looked into the mirror
Too afraid that it would shatter
Never though of what happened
Whenever I looked into her eyes

She never knew who she was
Didn’t want to go too deep
Never once realized
That who she was was all I ever would be

I always told her what they would say
So she didn’t get surprised
She always asked me what to do
So she didn’t get carried away
But when this moon sets
It’s all over for the two of us
She stepped too far
And missed the point of it all
‘Cause what they’ll say
Is only the truth

Yeah they’ll say
That she was perfect
And she was fighter
And she never really let me go

The Art of Speculation

A hundred miles
Means nothing
When the sky looks like this
With wind raped trees
And color painted leaves
To mask the harshness of day
Summer’s kiss is biting back
But it still is only a nip
And I am convinced
That we are looking
Out the same broken window
Onto a vision of grandeur
Sculpted from the fires of hell
As well as the snow from heaven
For speculation’s sake
We must be standing
Side by side
Hand in hand
So close we could nearly touch

Walk Away

You’re so caught up it hurts
Waiting by the phone
Hours on end, you forget to breathe
And when it finally comes
All you can think about
Is when it will ring again
When they will remember to call
And let you remember to exhale
With visions of futures so bright
Poor boy, did no one ever tell you
To quit while you are ahead
No matter how much it hurts

Just walk away
And cry rivers
But never forget
The path you just took
Nor the people you met
Or the ones who still pain you
To think about

You’re so caught up it hurts
Walking down the road alone
Hours on end, you forget to see
And when you finally stop
All you can think about
Is when the next rest you will get
When will you be able to go home
And truly look around for once
With ideals of things so lost
Poor boy, did no one ever tell you
To never quit, no matter what
No matter how much it hurts

Just walk away
And cry your heart out
But never forget
The past that belongs to you
Nor the people you have affected
Or the ones who still pain you
To think about

It's Not Over Yet

It starts off low and slow
With a bass to be reckoned with
Maybe a beat thrown in
Just to make things interesting
And before you know it
I have burst into the chorus
That is all about the people we knew
And those we didn’t
Heavy undertones
That resemble shades of purple
Weaving and winding
Just to complicate things more

And who said that
It was over at goodbye
With a wave and a hug
And a bitter taste left over
Was the only reminder
We ever got
Was the only warning
We would ever receive

It starts off low and heavy
With someone crying on the bass
My heart the only drum
Making it mellow and sad
And before you know it
Our lips are touching
And things start to get interesting
With a chorus bursting through
My sealed teeth
How I can sing with you standing
So close is beyond me
But I manage to do it
And it’s no mystery who the song is for

And who said that
It was over at goodnight
With a gentle brush
And a hesitant smile
Your taste still lingers
And it’s the only reminder
I will ever have
The only warning
I ever got
That is was over

And who said that
It was over at goodbye
With a wave and a hug
And a bitter taste left over
Was the only reminder
We ever got
Was the only warning
We would ever receive
That it would never really end

Wild Flowers

Wild Flowers are the ones
That hurt the most
When they slowly die

They are the feelings
That give you so much joy
It causes you physical pain

Wild Flowers are the things
You never forget
Even after you say them time after time

They are the events
That will never fade
Even when your mind does

Wild Flowers are the things
You do when you need
To stop thinking those thoughts

They are the thoughts
You try so hard
To stop thinking

A hundred miles means nothing,
when the sky looks that way.

Sleep Now

Hey you, the one still awake
Its time to sleep now, you know
So lay back and close you eyes, now
Count the ceiling tiles, or maybe sheep
Imagine I am there, and we can take a nap
Hear my voice in your mind, singing
Feel my hand in yours, holding forevermore
Remember the times, the ones that don’t exist
And drift to a place, the place I will always be

You Thought Wrong

I missed you today
Did you feel it?
A slight twinge
When you thought
No one was looking
Just when you thought
No one cared

I cried for you today
Did you hear it?
A soft sound
Of sorrow and loss
Just when you least
Expected such a thing
Just when you thought
No one knew

I died for you today
Did you know it?
Silently and swiftly
By your hand alone
When you thought
The spot light was on you
Just when you thought
No one saw

Ugh

Take my breath away
She said
Open up my eyes
She asked
Save me from myself
She pleaded
And he said yes
I’ll dance with you in the rain
He said
I’ll show you the stars where I live
He promised
I’ll take you far from here
He insisted
Just as soon as I love someone else

I have seen
This world
Burn
Sky and land
Turned to
Smoke and ash.
I have heard
Children cry
Angel’s voices
Lost in shouts
Of anger.
I have felt
A lover’s touch
Cringe from
Who they
Dare not say.
I have tasted
The salt
Of sweat
As I fight
Not to weep

In silent solitude
I wait
In screaming contemplation
I walk
In ear shattering stillness
I watch
With odds beyond logic
I hope
With a heart full of loss
I love
Torn in moral pieces
I support
With ears full of deaf melodies
I listen
To screams of pain I caused
I do nothing
For nothing can be done

Romeo, oh Romeo

I lost a child
With brilliant red hair
You know the one?
I don’t suppose you do
She was always quiet
And kept to herself
Invisible almost
But now that she is gone,
Lost forever I fear,
I can remember everything,
About her, lucid images
Flash before my eyes of things
That were once so trivial
The way she hated her hair
One minute
And loved it the next
The creek down the street
She would catch frogs in
The way she didn’t care
What others thought of her
She would spend all day
Blissfully listening to music
She never really understood
And reading of worlds unknown
She was enthusiastic about everything
Drew even though she wasn’t that good
Wrote when she didn’t know how
Laughed carelessly
And danced in the rain
But she is gone
Lost to love and pain
And all that is left in her wake
Is a shadow of what used to be

Look to the Stars

I have a challenge for you
One I don’t know if you can complete
But I dare you not to try
I know that it’s in your nature to attack
Every challenge that comes your way
So here’s another for your enjoyment and growth
My challenge is thus;
Love with all you have
And live with out regret
Dance in the rain every chance you get
And never forget to look to the stars at night
When a full moon comes out,
Always sleep so it can caress your skin
And always remember
It was I who held your hand
When few others would

The moon is setting
Can you see it?
It’s almost gone now
Leaving only us with the stars
The sun won’t rise again
And the moon has left us
There is no light at the end
Of this tunnel of darkness
But there are the stars
Pinpoints of hope
Poked out of the ceiling
For our enjoyment
Will you enjoy them with me?
Or will you leave me alone
Just like the sun, and the moon
To stare at those stars
With nothing left but memories
Of what used to be

9 Crimes

With a deaf ear
He listens
With a blind heart
He feels
With a broken leg
He walks
With a grim smile
He talks
With empty movements
He hugs
With a failing mind
He understands
With a broken soul
He fights
With a guilt ridden body
He hurts
With shaking hands
He pulls the trigger