girrrrr

Emily, what are you doing? Seriously, what the hell are you doing? You didnt sleep at all last night, didnt do any homework, which you have qquite a bit of, you didnt do anything. What are you doing? Was rock bottom not low enough for you? want to dig a little deeper? well, be my guest. here, i will even give you a shovel. but just remember this; i will not come down there to help you back out. at least one of us needs to be with the rest of the world, the normal world, the world that is not throwing their life away for what? Sleep? no, thats not it, becasue you arent getting any! Please, tell me what to do to help you, to motivate you, at this point, i am willing to do anything. Anything at all and its yours, just get up off of your ass and doing somthing. Go to school, write, do homework, read. Anything but play that damn video game and lie around thinking how shitty your life it. Enough is enough. Get up! I said get up! *hits self on head with shoe* Up up up!!!!!

Blood and Chocolate

Jealous of someone I don’t know
For something I cant ever have
And angry at myself for these feelings
But I cant help myself
I told him how I felt
What more can I do but wait
Wait for someone else
And wait for him to be happy
Which I do wish to happen
Whether it be with me
Or someone else
He deserves at least that much
For all that he has done
For everything that he helped me through
He deserves so much more than happiness

The Sonnet Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)     Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?     Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance. Your exact opposite: Genghis Khunt Random Brutal Sex Master     Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.     You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls. ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth CONSIDER: The Loverboy Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: pulchralacuna

ZZZZzzzz

I feel tired. Tired of chasing people who don’t want me. Tired of sleeping all the time. Tired of being lazy. Tired of not being confident. Tired of my blog, my writing, my poems. Everything seems to be the same. There is nothing new in my life and I am tired of it. I need something new. A partner, a friend, a drinking buddy. Anything is better than what I have, which is nothing. And I just realized, nothing is what I have had for a long, long time. Even when Michelle and I were together, she was never mine. I was hers. I had nothing and I still do. I just want something, anything.

WTB NEW LIFE, PTS ME

When Darkness Falls

In the darkness
My demons come out
To play with my head
And mess with my emotions

But when the light shines
They all flee
To stay in wait
While the sun shines

But I alone know
That when the moon comes
With it the haunts too
And sleep is a far off dream

Phoenix and Ashes

Everything that I know is falling apart
Millions of pieces I cant begin to patch
Relationships lost forever and good
Loves that I will never hold slip away
Sand in my hands, I watch it grain by grain
Until only one remains, and that is a small hope
One not large enough for these wholes
One that cannot possibly fill all of me

Everything I know is falling apart
Millions of things I wish I said
Relationships lost forever and good
Loves never known smolder out
The flame lost, only ash remains
And I must try and find the phoenix
Among the ruble and the many pieces of me
Will I find hope, or just another you?

Janus Art Submission

Do you like?

I am in love with poison and I cant stop drinking it.

Reasons

Because I am tired
Because being awake hurts too much
Because you’re too loud
Because the sun is too bright
Because the bed is warm
Because it doesn’t talk to me
Because I don’t have to talk back
Because life is so simple behind closed eyes
Because beyond that door is too far
Because my cat is on top of me
Because you wont leave me alone
Because I am happy at this moment
Because I don’t want my dream to go away
Because Russian has too many rules
Because life has too few
Because I have writer’s block
Because no one’s online
Because I am bored
Because there is school
Because it’s just too damn easy
To keep laying right here.

Cliche

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Hopefully I will be alive in the morning.

Can You Hear the Dead

Silence can echo
I swear it can
Louder than any heartbeat
And making more impact than the gunshot

After the smoke has lifted
It settles heavily

Silence can echo
I swear it can
And when the carnage removed
It lingers still haunting

Louder than the sobs
And the falling tears

Silence can echo
I swear it can
In the hearts of the ones we lost
The ones we didn’t know

After the accused go to trial
And in the moment when the gavel strikes

Silence can echo
I swear it can
That day back at school
With a few gone forever

When no one looks
Back at the empty desk

Silence can echo
Can you hear it?

Story Of A Girl

I’ll tell you a story
Of a girl so lost
She couldn’t find herself
And when she searched
It was in vain
For what she was
Was long gone
And all that was left
Was a broken soul
In need of love
She refused to take

fkjafghas;h

I never meant to make you cry
No tears were meant to fall
My intentions were full of heart
But sometimes that’s just not enough

I never meant to make it bleed
No blood was meant to be shed
My intentions were full of heart
But sometimes that’s just not enough

So what do you do
When you’re all spent
And all you’ve got left
Isn’t even enough to wake
And what will you tell me
The morning after
When all your promises
Are dropped with those tears.

I never meant to make you leave
No bags were meant to be packed
My intentions were full of heart
But sometimes that’s just not enough

I never meant to make you break
No cracks were meant to grow
My intentions were full of heart
But sometimes that’s just not enough

So what do you do
When you’re all spent
And all you’ve got left
Isn’t enough to make you whole
And what will you tell me
The morning after
When all your whispers fade into the light
And all I can see is the truth

My intentions were full of heart
But sometimes that’s just not enough
Wish it was
But sometimes it’s just not enough

Burning Embers

The sparks fly up
While embers burn
I thought that they were angry
Thought that they wanted my blood
The many years of running
From the light of them
Afraid of their warmth
Afraid that it would burn
And only after you showed me otherwise
Only after you threw a white-hot coal my way
Did I learn otherwise
I learned that they only wanted to comfort
That their light was wondrous
And that together they cannot burn
Learned that I wanted them
Wanted their tingles all over me
And the weird glow that it gave me
That motivation I was lacking

I only hope that it gave you as much as it gave me.

Apologies

I would like to apologize for my lask few posts, I was kind of breaking down. All better now though, and hopefully my poems wont suck as bad as they did there.

please

I cannot cry
I will them to come
But no tears surface
I need to escape
To vent
To weep
But I am unable

Please, Nate, make me cry.

ftfikvkgykuftyidfs

It’s a nice feeling
When everything falls
Right into place

And damn does it feel good
When the rain finally comes
To clean off all that dirt

You know what I mean
When I say I love to stumble
Only to have you catch me before I fall

AHHHHH!

Blind to everything
You think isn’t there
When will you see
That the world is not so dark
That I am here
And you are not alone

Empty of all hope
You think does not exist
When will you see
That the world is not so dark
That the future is not stone
And you have a choice

Void of promises
You think don’t matter
When will you see
That the world is not so dark
That I am holding a candle
And all you have to do is ask

Blah!(a.k.a. i cried while writing this, so f-u Michelle)

Take a deep breath
Let it out real slow
Clear your mind
Of that junk from the day
Look at the stars
And fall into the sky
Let things revert
To when you were ten
Remember that pond?
And those damn frogs
All those fights we got in
About catching the right one
But on the ride home
The tension lifted
And all of the anger
Disappeared into the water
To be disturbed by us
Only on the next visit
Remember the way it was?
With the non-smoking adds
And the hatred of drugs
My fear of ending up like my dad
And your support of that
Remember when fun
Meant climbing a tree
Or swinging on that vine
In your back yard
And that cowboy your dad made
And trying to crash
Your brother’s bonfires
And five am Barbie’s
That always ended happily
Remember all that?
Good, take a hold
Grab on tight
And never, ever let go
Because that is me
And that is us
And without it, we disappear
Just like our old anger
And we will only ever
Come back to the surface
When someone stumbles upon a memory
And stirs up the mud

MERRY X-MAS EVERY ONE! and i dont care if you dont celebrate it, i am not pollitically correct, deal with it.