Say you will
Before you don’t
So we can save
One last sunrise
Say you will
Before I leave
So we can see
This to the end
1/30/2008
1/18/2008
1/11/2008
We're not so Different, You and I
Don’t know if this means anything
If my attempts to righten things ever work
I don’t know if this will straighten things out
But I am doing it nonetheless
It’s upsetting to admit this
But it’s not all for you
My words fall on deaf ears most of the times
But the fact that I said them still helps someone
Even if that person is only me
So I will put on a serious face
Attempt that stare of mine that can freeze fire
Try to convince you that I have not given up yet
Tell you things I hardly believe myself
Even if in the end there is no one wiser
Even though we are both still awake
At five in the morning, trying hard to figure things out
Trying to just think without our minds interrupting
If there is one thing that you can take away from me
I hope that it is this; I may not have been able to do it
But that doesn’t mean that it’s undoable
So lay down at night while willing your brain to stop
And it won’t, no matter how many times you threaten it with a Q-Tip
Deal with the constant chatter
The worry and the doubt
Learn to get past all of that
And maybe you will learn to listen to what’s really important
What your mind has been trying to tell you
When you just want to sleep
If my attempts to righten things ever work
I don’t know if this will straighten things out
But I am doing it nonetheless
It’s upsetting to admit this
But it’s not all for you
My words fall on deaf ears most of the times
But the fact that I said them still helps someone
Even if that person is only me
So I will put on a serious face
Attempt that stare of mine that can freeze fire
Try to convince you that I have not given up yet
Tell you things I hardly believe myself
Even if in the end there is no one wiser
Even though we are both still awake
At five in the morning, trying hard to figure things out
Trying to just think without our minds interrupting
If there is one thing that you can take away from me
I hope that it is this; I may not have been able to do it
But that doesn’t mean that it’s undoable
So lay down at night while willing your brain to stop
And it won’t, no matter how many times you threaten it with a Q-Tip
Deal with the constant chatter
The worry and the doubt
Learn to get past all of that
And maybe you will learn to listen to what’s really important
What your mind has been trying to tell you
When you just want to sleep
Did You?
Did you know
That I would sing you to sleep
If I thought that it would help
I would cuddle until we were nearly one
If I thought that it would make a difference
I would write you reams
If I knew you would read it all
I would do just about anything
If I thought that you were watching
And if you happened to drift
Into the abyss that is my imagination
Did you know that I would follow you?
No matter how deep you happened to go
That I would sing you to sleep
If I thought that it would help
I would cuddle until we were nearly one
If I thought that it would make a difference
I would write you reams
If I knew you would read it all
I would do just about anything
If I thought that you were watching
And if you happened to drift
Into the abyss that is my imagination
Did you know that I would follow you?
No matter how deep you happened to go
1/03/2008
How did we get here?
To this cave of lost souls
Up on a mountain of doubts
Built up by our own aching hands
How did we get to this point?
Where love is a far off dream
And everywhere we look
Is a perfect display of what not to do
With no one telling us what to do
How the fuck did we get here?
I don’t remember walking
Through cloud filled skies
Under the feet of others more successful
I don’t remember trudging along
With you all at my side
To get to this place in time
So how did we get here?
And how the hell do I get out?
To this cave of lost souls
Up on a mountain of doubts
Built up by our own aching hands
How did we get to this point?
Where love is a far off dream
And everywhere we look
Is a perfect display of what not to do
With no one telling us what to do
How the fuck did we get here?
I don’t remember walking
Through cloud filled skies
Under the feet of others more successful
I don’t remember trudging along
With you all at my side
To get to this place in time
So how did we get here?
And how the hell do I get out?
12/31/2007
My Hell
I know that smile of yours
The one you rarely show
The one I coaxed from your lips
Only a few times
And I know what makes it hide
The demons you despise
Cursed objects of your admiration
For what can make one such as yourself
Cower in pure fright?
But I also know of a lighter topic
Of a river of tears
So damn strong even the mote of my thumb
Cannot hold them back
Because for what you weep
Is a separate demon all on its own
One of beauty and loss
Of love and fear of loathing
A demon you play with often
A demon you chose over me
The one you rarely show
The one I coaxed from your lips
Only a few times
And I know what makes it hide
The demons you despise
Cursed objects of your admiration
For what can make one such as yourself
Cower in pure fright?
But I also know of a lighter topic
Of a river of tears
So damn strong even the mote of my thumb
Cannot hold them back
Because for what you weep
Is a separate demon all on its own
One of beauty and loss
Of love and fear of loathing
A demon you play with often
A demon you chose over me
12/22/2007
12/15/2007
So I Thought
Learn and live
But never forget
Advice flows in
A constant stream
Pick and choose
Which is right for you
But in the end
No one else can really help
You try to find
Sense in this world
Try to feel
Through everything past
Try so hard
To just move on
But the results are forever
Living on in you
So here you stand
Your breaking point near
Wishing for someone to pull a trigger
Hoping that this is all there is
Poor girl
Did no one ever tell you
This battle never ends
Poor girl
Did no one ever say
That life is
Hard enough
With you fucking up
But never forget
Advice flows in
A constant stream
Pick and choose
Which is right for you
But in the end
No one else can really help
You try to find
Sense in this world
Try to feel
Through everything past
Try so hard
To just move on
But the results are forever
Living on in you
So here you stand
Your breaking point near
Wishing for someone to pull a trigger
Hoping that this is all there is
Poor girl
Did no one ever tell you
This battle never ends
Poor girl
Did no one ever say
That life is
Hard enough
With you fucking up
12/08/2007
This Beast in Me
So I am sitting here, an ache somewhere inside of me, and I cant figure it out. It’s gnawing at me, like some wild thing that you let loose, tearing me apart inside with claws sharp as razors and teeth blunt as a fork. Its saliva, I swear, is lemon juice, and I just need it to go to sleep for a little while. But it wont stop biting, tearing, chewing me up. It wont stop and I am afraid that I will have to stop it soon, shut it up and make the howling stop. Oh yeah, it howls too. An incessant noise of passion, driving my mind insane with the things that it says. Yes, it says things. Awful things of love and hate, passion and life long living. I hate this beast more than I hate you, more than I despise you for putting it there. The only thing is, I don’t hate you at all. In fact, I am afraid that I love you. I say afraid because if I love you, then I love this beast as well. And that scars me. Scars me enough to want to kill it, leave its mangled body for all to see, a spectacle for tourists of my mind to point in awe. “That’s the beast that drove her mad” they’ll say. “That’s the thing she loved.” And as they point in wonder, I will lay there, unable to get up after I fell for you.
11/30/2007
Me
I believe
In nights that never end
Sunrises, and sunsets
And unconditional love
Cuddling with out attachments
And soft kisses in the middle of the night
I believe
That love is overrated
But the feeling that there are a million butterflies
In your stomach is greatly unappreciated
Distance is nothing
When words travel so far
And those same words
Can change the world
I believe
In books and music
The idea that nothing is impossible
In logic less hope
And reasonless wishing
And I believe, most of all
In everything you have said to me
In nights that never end
Sunrises, and sunsets
And unconditional love
Cuddling with out attachments
And soft kisses in the middle of the night
I believe
That love is overrated
But the feeling that there are a million butterflies
In your stomach is greatly unappreciated
Distance is nothing
When words travel so far
And those same words
Can change the world
I believe
In books and music
The idea that nothing is impossible
In logic less hope
And reasonless wishing
And I believe, most of all
In everything you have said to me
11/23/2007
I Love You
I can’t bring myself to say it
At this moment in time
What, exactly, is the point
So how, in anyone’s wildest comprehension
Can I convince you
That it’s true, beyond any doubt?
At this moment in time
What, exactly, is the point
So how, in anyone’s wildest comprehension
Can I convince you
That it’s true, beyond any doubt?
11/16/2007
They'll Say
She never looked into the mirror
Too afraid of what she would see
Never thought of what she could assume
Just by looking at my eyes
She never knew who she was
Never cared to look too deep
She didn’t see that what I was
Was only what she made in her own image
I always told her what they would say
So she didn’t get surprised
She always asked me what to do
So she didn’t get carried away
But when this moon sets
It’s all over for the two of us
She stepped too far
And missed the point of it all
‘Cause what they’ll say
Is only the truth
Yeah they’ll say
That she was beautiful
And she was a dreamer
And she never really let it go
She never looked into the mirror
Too afraid that it would shatter
Never though of what happened
Whenever I looked into her eyes
She never knew who she was
Didn’t want to go too deep
Never once realized
That who she was was all I ever would be
I always told her what they would say
So she didn’t get surprised
She always asked me what to do
So she didn’t get carried away
But when this moon sets
It’s all over for the two of us
She stepped too far
And missed the point of it all
‘Cause what they’ll say
Is only the truth
Yeah they’ll say
That she was perfect
And she was fighter
And she never really let me go
Too afraid of what she would see
Never thought of what she could assume
Just by looking at my eyes
She never knew who she was
Never cared to look too deep
She didn’t see that what I was
Was only what she made in her own image
I always told her what they would say
So she didn’t get surprised
She always asked me what to do
So she didn’t get carried away
But when this moon sets
It’s all over for the two of us
She stepped too far
And missed the point of it all
‘Cause what they’ll say
Is only the truth
Yeah they’ll say
That she was beautiful
And she was a dreamer
And she never really let it go
She never looked into the mirror
Too afraid that it would shatter
Never though of what happened
Whenever I looked into her eyes
She never knew who she was
Didn’t want to go too deep
Never once realized
That who she was was all I ever would be
I always told her what they would say
So she didn’t get surprised
She always asked me what to do
So she didn’t get carried away
But when this moon sets
It’s all over for the two of us
She stepped too far
And missed the point of it all
‘Cause what they’ll say
Is only the truth
Yeah they’ll say
That she was perfect
And she was fighter
And she never really let me go
10/24/2007
The Art of Speculation
A hundred miles
Means nothing
When the sky looks like this
With wind raped trees
And color painted leaves
To mask the harshness of day
Summer’s kiss is biting back
But it still is only a nip
And I am convinced
That we are looking
Out the same broken window
Onto a vision of grandeur
Sculpted from the fires of hell
As well as the snow from heaven
For speculation’s sake
We must be standing
Side by side
Hand in hand
So close we could nearly touch
Means nothing
When the sky looks like this
With wind raped trees
And color painted leaves
To mask the harshness of day
Summer’s kiss is biting back
But it still is only a nip
And I am convinced
That we are looking
Out the same broken window
Onto a vision of grandeur
Sculpted from the fires of hell
As well as the snow from heaven
For speculation’s sake
We must be standing
Side by side
Hand in hand
So close we could nearly touch
10/22/2007
Walk Away
You’re so caught up it hurts
Waiting by the phone
Hours on end, you forget to breathe
And when it finally comes
All you can think about
Is when it will ring again
When they will remember to call
And let you remember to exhale
With visions of futures so bright
Poor boy, did no one ever tell you
To quit while you are ahead
No matter how much it hurts
Just walk away
And cry rivers
But never forget
The path you just took
Nor the people you met
Or the ones who still pain you
To think about
You’re so caught up it hurts
Walking down the road alone
Hours on end, you forget to see
And when you finally stop
All you can think about
Is when the next rest you will get
When will you be able to go home
And truly look around for once
With ideals of things so lost
Poor boy, did no one ever tell you
To never quit, no matter what
No matter how much it hurts
Just walk away
And cry your heart out
But never forget
The past that belongs to you
Nor the people you have affected
Or the ones who still pain you
To think about
Waiting by the phone
Hours on end, you forget to breathe
And when it finally comes
All you can think about
Is when it will ring again
When they will remember to call
And let you remember to exhale
With visions of futures so bright
Poor boy, did no one ever tell you
To quit while you are ahead
No matter how much it hurts
Just walk away
And cry rivers
But never forget
The path you just took
Nor the people you met
Or the ones who still pain you
To think about
You’re so caught up it hurts
Walking down the road alone
Hours on end, you forget to see
And when you finally stop
All you can think about
Is when the next rest you will get
When will you be able to go home
And truly look around for once
With ideals of things so lost
Poor boy, did no one ever tell you
To never quit, no matter what
No matter how much it hurts
Just walk away
And cry your heart out
But never forget
The past that belongs to you
Nor the people you have affected
Or the ones who still pain you
To think about
10/16/2007
It's Not Over Yet
It starts off low and slow
With a bass to be reckoned with
Maybe a beat thrown in
Just to make things interesting
And before you know it
I have burst into the chorus
That is all about the people we knew
And those we didn’t
Heavy undertones
That resemble shades of purple
Weaving and winding
Just to complicate things more
And who said that
It was over at goodbye
With a wave and a hug
And a bitter taste left over
Was the only reminder
We ever got
Was the only warning
We would ever receive
It starts off low and heavy
With someone crying on the bass
My heart the only drum
Making it mellow and sad
And before you know it
Our lips are touching
And things start to get interesting
With a chorus bursting through
My sealed teeth
How I can sing with you standing
So close is beyond me
But I manage to do it
And it’s no mystery who the song is for
And who said that
It was over at goodnight
With a gentle brush
And a hesitant smile
Your taste still lingers
And it’s the only reminder
I will ever have
The only warning
I ever got
That is was over
And who said that
It was over at goodbye
With a wave and a hug
And a bitter taste left over
Was the only reminder
We ever got
Was the only warning
We would ever receive
That it would never really end
With a bass to be reckoned with
Maybe a beat thrown in
Just to make things interesting
And before you know it
I have burst into the chorus
That is all about the people we knew
And those we didn’t
Heavy undertones
That resemble shades of purple
Weaving and winding
Just to complicate things more
And who said that
It was over at goodbye
With a wave and a hug
And a bitter taste left over
Was the only reminder
We ever got
Was the only warning
We would ever receive
It starts off low and heavy
With someone crying on the bass
My heart the only drum
Making it mellow and sad
And before you know it
Our lips are touching
And things start to get interesting
With a chorus bursting through
My sealed teeth
How I can sing with you standing
So close is beyond me
But I manage to do it
And it’s no mystery who the song is for
And who said that
It was over at goodnight
With a gentle brush
And a hesitant smile
Your taste still lingers
And it’s the only reminder
I will ever have
The only warning
I ever got
That is was over
And who said that
It was over at goodbye
With a wave and a hug
And a bitter taste left over
Was the only reminder
We ever got
Was the only warning
We would ever receive
That it would never really end
10/14/2007
Wild Flowers
Wild Flowers are the ones
That hurt the most
When they slowly die
They are the feelings
That give you so much joy
It causes you physical pain
Wild Flowers are the things
You never forget
Even after you say them time after time
They are the events
That will never fade
Even when your mind does
Wild Flowers are the things
You do when you need
To stop thinking those thoughts
They are the thoughts
You try so hard
To stop thinking
That hurt the most
When they slowly die
They are the feelings
That give you so much joy
It causes you physical pain
Wild Flowers are the things
You never forget
Even after you say them time after time
They are the events
That will never fade
Even when your mind does
Wild Flowers are the things
You do when you need
To stop thinking those thoughts
They are the thoughts
You try so hard
To stop thinking
9/25/2007
Sleep Now
Hey you, the one still awake
Its time to sleep now, you know
So lay back and close you eyes, now
Count the ceiling tiles, or maybe sheep
Imagine I am there, and we can take a nap
Hear my voice in your mind, singing
Feel my hand in yours, holding forevermore
Remember the times, the ones that don’t exist
And drift to a place, the place I will always be
Its time to sleep now, you know
So lay back and close you eyes, now
Count the ceiling tiles, or maybe sheep
Imagine I am there, and we can take a nap
Hear my voice in your mind, singing
Feel my hand in yours, holding forevermore
Remember the times, the ones that don’t exist
And drift to a place, the place I will always be
9/04/2007
You Thought Wrong
I missed you today
Did you feel it?
A slight twinge
When you thought
No one was looking
Just when you thought
No one cared
I cried for you today
Did you hear it?
A soft sound
Of sorrow and loss
Just when you least
Expected such a thing
Just when you thought
No one knew
I died for you today
Did you know it?
Silently and swiftly
By your hand alone
When you thought
The spot light was on you
Just when you thought
No one saw
Did you feel it?
A slight twinge
When you thought
No one was looking
Just when you thought
No one cared
I cried for you today
Did you hear it?
A soft sound
Of sorrow and loss
Just when you least
Expected such a thing
Just when you thought
No one knew
I died for you today
Did you know it?
Silently and swiftly
By your hand alone
When you thought
The spot light was on you
Just when you thought
No one saw
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