Truth?

What is truth? Do we create it ourselves? Is it manmade, a structure created by these hands? Can it bend, can it be molded? And if it bends into something new, is that truth as well? Doesn't it have to be if it was made from truth to start with? So does that mean that a truth molded and morphed by our own minds is then, in the end, truth itself? If this is so, we create our own truths. Does that also mean that we can create new truths all together? I hope so, because I do not like this current thing that is true in my mind, and I want so badly to change it. What does it take to change the truth?

The Way I See It

What could be better?
Than the perfect great escape
Take your pick
Of
New frontiers
My body is screaming and
My memory is shot
Oh, the places I’ll go
With
This true magic

Is this supposed to ache so much?

untitled 3/11/08 part II

It’s warm in my room
As you sneak to my bed
Chilled fingertips wake me
And you catch my stare
We sit in silence
For nothing needs to be said

It’s warm in my room
As you hold me tight
Soft kiss keeps me awake
And you whisper in my ear
Nothing at all
For nothing needs to be said

It’s warm in my chest
As you smile goodnight
Heartbeat sings me to sleep
And your rhythm is the only sound
That echoes silently
For nothing needs to be said

I feel like I am making the same mistake over and over again. Jump, crash, burn. Rinse and Repeat. And don’t learn a damn thing after I get up again.

You can't really fail at life, nor can you pass at life either. It's a ride, and at the end we all get off no matter what happened, no matter how many twists and curves it took us on. the best we can do is enjoy it while it lasts, try not to puke when it turns us upside down, and not fear that final stop

That's No Bomb Fire You See

Tonight’s the night the world dies
So sharpen your knifes
And load your guns
Because there’s a fight brewing here
Pick a side and pray to a god
We all know doesn’t exist
For the strength to continue
Throughout all hours of darkness
Because tonight’s the night the world will burn
And baby I do hope you picked the right side

I just realized that you were there all along. Who knew. A shame you can't be here in person though, what I would give to do nothing more than hold your hand...

Untitled

I can see the bottle
Laying there so innocent
I remember thinking
It’s all in good fun
I can taste the bitterness
A sticky substance
Left over in the very air
I remember thinking
It would all pass with time
I can hear the sobs
She’s weeping for him
I remember thinking
Not too long ago
That it was her fault as well

But now I see the poison
Seeping into parched veins
I remember the past
And it is all coming together now
I can hear the singing now
Ringing in the air
Like some fucked up anthem
I remember the past
What happened so many nights
When it was all in good fun
Until the ugliness set in
And I can see she weeps
For not only him
But for me as well

I thought I had found it
Then I thought I had lost it
Thought it would die
Like it did the last time
Thought that it would be
Much harder to find the next time
Thought that it was all over
With that one loss

Didn’t realize my eyes were closed
Thought that I was looking
And I thought that I could see
Didn’t realize that I was sleeping
And you were there all along

Red Dawn

Things are changing
With this dawn up ahead
Things lost and things gained
It will never be
What it once was
Because things are changing
Moving and morphing
And I am afraid
That it is all coming too fast
For me to grasp

untitled

It’s cold in your room
As I sneak to your bed
A gentle touch
To bring you back
And your eyes are screaming

It’s cold in your room
But you whisper warm breath
Say all the right things
And it’s just what I needed to hear
To bring me back

It’s cold in my room
And I don’t know where you are
‘Cause you’re saying
Just what I don’t want to hear
But it’s not enough
To wake me up

"No body said it was easy, no one every said it would be this hard"

Question:

What's the first name that comes to mind when you hear "You are the only thing that makes sense"?

Characteristics of an Ink Dragon

Restless nights shadow stress filled days
These words are forced, can’t you tell?
A pen with no hand to stain black
For that hand is shaking too much to control
The flowing script I’ve grown to hate
Meaningless dribble, that’s what this is
A story with no depth
Simply pretty painted images
For shallow hearts and empty heads
So why do I write with such colorful purposes
If all who reads can’t make out the big words
Overly pretentious couplings
Of things I once believed
Why do I write my heart on these pages
If all who reads have the sole intentions of damage
And is it wrong for me to find humor here?
In the irony of my own actions?
For I do, and I can’t help it
I bet if you thought hard enough you would see it too
Tucked bellow for special eyes only
Beneath the gaily drawn dragons
There lies a hungry beast
Is it not funny to see people drawn to this?
Is it not right for me to laugh
At blissful ignorance held taut on the surface?
Stretched tight to hide
even though the result is far from concealing
So I laugh at this, and at myself
For having attempted to change
The nature of these things
For having attempted to mold
A brick into something beautiful
For these are my words
And these are my thoughts
And there is no dragon for me to unveil
And there is no ink from which I would sculpt

Question:

Is it possible to cheat on someone without physical contact with the other party? Because that is exactly what it feels like I am doing, emotionally cheating.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid. *bangs head against wall*

I'm afraid. I am afraid like I haven't been afraid in years. I am afraid and I am letting that fear dictate my actions.

17 going on 30?

Everyone is telling me to follow my heart, to go with what feels best. But what if my heart is torn? On one side I have my need to no longer be lonely. My need to be with someone, even if that someone is only second best. And on the other side I have the part of me that is so far past liking someone that it’s bordering on cliché. Only problem with that is I can’t have this person. So does that side of me really matter? Or is it void by circumstances?
I feel like I am 30 years old running out of time to make a family, not 17 looking for someone to spend time with. I don’t want a silly high school relationship. I want something that will last. That is the main reason that I have held out for so long on dating anyone. I saw people date for 3 weeks, and walk away like nothing happened. How did they even enjoy one another’s company if it was so superficial? I want someone who can care for me and who I can care about. I want someone to support me when I need it, and who will take my support when they feel the need. Is this abnormal for one as young as I am? Most people I know are jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend, never staying long enough to figure the other person out. Is that what I am supposed to be doing? If it is I think I may have a problem because I don’t think that I could do such a thing.

What Used To Be

This is the song I sang for you when all others lost their voice
This is the letter I wrote for you when we were apart all those months
This is the look on your face when you look upon innocence
This is the way it went when it went away
And here is the place we met over shattered dreams of coffee shops
Right next to the place I fell before you caught me so I wouldn’t shatter again
Those are the memories we never got a chance to create
Those are the words that got lost on my tongue before I got a chance to spit
Those are the things you meant to say right after it happened
Those are the times I meant to say it right before I wasn’t sure
And there is the blanket of stars we never laid under
Right above the crisp cool grass still awaiting our bodies
There goes the promise of more chances
There goes the hope I held on so dearly
There goes the countless sunrises we watched together
There goes the thought of something else
And this is me
Right next to you

Get this

I feel like I am cheating on the person I am not dating with my actual boyfriend. Wtf