One for the Money

I am sitting here contemplating the meaning of life
I am disabled from the three ton weight on my shoulders
I can’t even stand up straight any more
One for all the misdeeds of the past
One fore the present
One for the future
I have no life in me any more
I can’t see me in the mirror
I can only see the molds
One for what I should be
One for what I should become
One for who I should talk to
I can’t read anymore
I can’t write anymore
I am forever stuck in the monotonies of my life
One for the closed door
One for the window
One for the locked closet
I am forcing every thing
I have nothing real anymore
I am cursing the blinking curser
One blink for reminder
One blink for urging
One blink for mockery
I am fearful of what can not be feared
I am falling off a three feet cliff
I hit the bottom over and over
One time for messing up
One time for an inevitable mess up
One time for the hell of it
I am punishable by death
I wish I did something wrong
I have nothing on the surfaces
One for cover up
One for protection
One so no one ever knows
I need a knife to cut this
I need to get away
I need to break down the walls
One in front stopping me from advancing
One to the right preventing a duck around
One to the left as a last resort
I turn around and go back
I relive the death and pain
I go all the way back to all my pasts
One for the suicide
One for the tears
One for the trauma